Where's my Harley? (Joker and Harley)

The Joker giggled manically to himself as he entered the hideout he had made with his little sweetums Harley. It had once been a House of Mirrors but he had taken a hammer to all the mirrors and instead put pictures up.

Lots and lots of pictures!

Pictures of him cooking for a BBQ.

Pictures of him and Harley sitting on a Harley Davison.

Pictures of people being affected by Smilex.

Pictures of Batman lying dead on the ground...

The internet peoples had really gone over the top with some of these and he loved them! Some of those sick puppies out there were his loyal fans and he loved what they could do for him! Giggling to himself again he opened the security door and kicked it open with a spring in his step,

"Honey! I'm home!" he called out with a laugh, "Hahahaha! I brought supper darling dearie light of my life!"

Placing the massive wrapped up turkey on the table, he idly wiped off some of the blood on the outside of the packaging,

"Could you believe that some old bird wasn't going to give me this?" he barked a short laugh, "Ha! Bird! Hohohehehehahaha! Well I got that bird alright!"

Harley was doing what she normally did when she was at home, waiting for the Joker to get back. He hadn't asked her to do anything today and as such she had spent a rather boring day at home just going over and over some old case files of his that she had lying around for just such occasions. It never really failed to amaze her how wonderful he really was in terms of his uniqueness.

He managed to understand the nature of things, the nature of Gotham City and he had made her realise that there was precious little that they could do apart from enjoy watching it burn. She was even beginning to slightly enjoy watching it burn, as long as she had him by her side of course, which she did.

Like he would ever consider leaving her. She gave him everything he wanted whenever he wanted it because she loved him in a way that nobody else could.

As he arrived home she hopped off the bed that she had been sitting on and reading, and hurried into the main area of their little house in the former hall of mirrors. The supper he had brought was wonderful, a turkey just for the two of them. Unable to stop her laughter at the pun that he made, Harley slipped her arms around his neck and peppered his neck with sweet kisses;

"Thank you Mr. J for bringing such a wonderful supper home, I'll serve it up for us right now." she purred softly as she stepped away from him towards the cupboards where she kept the few items of crockery that they owned, which weren't very many she had to admit.

Busying herself, Harley turned with a wide smile on her lips and asked;

"Did you have a productive day sweetheart?"

Joked grinned when Harley came bounding out of the bedroom towards him. He could watch that girl move all day! And he had done so on several occasions actually it had to be said. And enjoyed every single second of those days too!

Especially when he'd banned clothes from their hideout for the day... boy had the henchmen been red in the face!

Ha!

Oh they said that laughing at your own jokes was a sign of something didn't they? It was unlikely to be insanity though... he was already all the way gone on that front! Giggling uncontrollably to himself, he shook his head a little bit to clear it of that thought and instead caught his little Harley around the waist and gave her tight little ass a little squeeze.

It begged for it in those trousers!

"Anything for my little Harley!" he assured her with a wink before giving her ass a little spank, "Hop to it now dearie, we've got capers to plan, days to talk about and perhaps even some hot action going on later for us!"

Sitting down on a sofa that he had managed to salvage from the Penguin's nightclub (after he'd blown it up), he grinned a little bit,

"Oh you know... started a few fires... punched a few guys..." he smirked darkly, "Blew up city hall..."

Harley giggled happily when the Joker caught her around the waist she squeezed her tight to him, she just loved when he squeezed her like that, when he held her like that and just generally anything that he did to her she loved! Gasping when he gave her ass a little squeeze she ducked her head shyly, being a little bit overdramatic as she did so and giggled softly;

"Oh Pudding, you're gunna make me blush and then I'll never get dinner on the table!" she exclaimed as she wiggled happily in his hold.

She had been waiting for him to come back all day and now that her little Pudding was here she was just so excited! She wanted to spend all her time with him and it was just perfect that he had come home this early and in this good a mood after what she could only hope had been a wonderful day for her lover, Mr. J.

Giggling softly in her head, she couldn't help but comment that it rhymed, before turning to carve up the turkey happily, giving her ass a little wiggle after he slapped it.

"Sure thing Mr. J. Here's your dinner honey!" she beamed, turning to her love with his plate and a knife and fork for him to use "I sure do like the sound of the night we have planned today, I've been bored and missing you since you left."

As she too brought her dinner over, Harley sat down on the sofa next to Joker and curled her feet up so that she could sit right on next to him. Sighing softly, contentedly she gasped and placed a hand to her mouth as he told her what he had done today.

"Oh that's my Mr. J!" she grinned "Blowing up city hall, you know what something like that gets you tonight pudding." Harley giggled.

The Joker was seriously considering continuing his molesting of her tight little ass if she was going to be doing her cute little blushing but he admitted to himself that he was hungry too. No need to waste good food after all. And he could have her wiggling in his hands again after dinner or even during it if he pleased. She was so eager to please after all,

"A small price to pay for the lovely little dish that is you Harley!" he told her with a laugh before shaking his head a little bit, "But go on then! Twist my arm... work on the dinner for now and work on me later."

He could see that she was excited to see him back and without any injuries at all. That just went to show that the Batman hadn't shown up to be fair. Bats was a pain in the ass sometimes. Not to mention everywhere else the Goth-loving-eagle-eyed marksman decided to punch him that day! He grinned when she wiggled her ass.

It was one damn fine ass!

Grinning when she said that dinner was ready, he accepted the knife and fork and tucked it. He hummed appreciatively,

"Now that's good eatin!" he told her with a wide grin, "All the tenderising from hitting the granny with it really shows too... good job Harley!"

When she told him that he knew what he'd get for something like blowing up city hall he laughed a little bit before licking his lips a little bit,

"Are you trying to say Harley..." he began with a small smirk, "That I blow up city hall and my Harley blows... me?"

Harley giggled happily when Joker complimented her like that, she loved to hear him compliment her after all because it meant that she was doing all the right things that he loved. And that made her happy to know he loved her and much as she loved him!

It just made her so mad that no matter how hard he tried sometimes the Batman just wouldn't rise to his bait and it was irritating because it would leave her baby pudding in a really bad mood. A bad mood she just couldn't seem to get him out of no matter how many times she tried to cook him his favourite food, or show him her latest weapon idea or how many times she paraded naked throughout their base.

Although today he was in a good mood despite of that fact and she was happy to know it.

"Awwwww thank you pudding." she giggled, wiggling happily at the little compliment that he gave her "But you did all the hard work, bringing home the bacon for your little Harley. I'm awful grateful."

The way that he reacted to her offer made her squeal happily in delight, it was something that he wanted to do she just knew it from the way that he was reacting! Which was great! She was hoping that he would accept her reward.

"That is exactly what I'm saying Mr. J!" she nodded her head swiftly, "You deserve a reward for putting smiles on all those faces out there and I'm going to make sure that you get one. If you want it that is..." Harley blushed softly and let her expression turn shy and coy, eating a small piece of her food as seductively as she could.

Joker knew that Harley loved it when he showed her any kind of affection and one of her favourite types (along with one of his own) was him showing her just how hot and sexy he found her to be! And that wasn't hard at all seeing as all it took was a glance to get him hard for her. Licking his lips a little bit, he tried not stare too much because staring at his Harley seemed to have a rather 'bad' habit of him then riding his Harley!

Bats was a constant thorn in his side and more often than not was his fixation but right now he was free of bat-shaped thoughts! So all he could think about was his Harley instead.

It wasn't fair on the poor girl to ignore her blatant advances just because he was obsessing over how to make Batman finally crack a grin! To laugh and laugh and laugh until he died from it! He smirked a little bit,

"Oh it was a pleasure really!" he assured her, "I was just fleeing from the crime and saw this lovely old lady with her shopping... and helped myself to it!"

He grinned wider than even he usually did when she squealed so happily at his reaction to her offer. Oh they just didn't make girls like his Harley! She was one of a kind! He smirked a little bit and nodded his head,

"Of course! No one puts a smile on my face quite like you Harley!" he told her with a not-so-subtle wink before smirking a little bit and stroking her cheek, "And I do so love to get my Harley all revved up!"

Harley was finishing her meal as quickly as she could because there were so many more things she wanted to do with her pudding now that he was home, eating could be done while he wasn't here and now that he was she wanted to plan with him their next caper! It would be so fun to get out of their lair for a little while, feel the sun and some explosives on her face.

Finally she finished her food, hopped up and placed her dish in the sink. All ready to begin planning their next move against Bats, or even just to get some extra money so that she could fix up this place a little bit, maybe buy some new clothes.

"Oh I am so happy to hear you say that Pudding!" she giggled happily and hugged her arms around her waist "I love to put a smile on your face, you look so dreamy when you smile..." she sighed, her voice becoming rather dreamy as she imagined the result of last time she had given him a reward like this.

Hurrying back to sit next to him, curling her body around his own and letting herself mould to his body, Harley leant her head into his touch and nuzzled her cheek against his palm. His skin made her shiver all over in happiness, she loved the sensation of him touching her! It was one way to show his love for her after all!

"Hehehe." she giggled "I like it when you get me revved up too Mr. J." Harley winked sexily before sitting up straight with a mock serious face on "But you said we needed to plan our next caper, maybe we should do that before you take me to bed, we might not leave after all." she winked again, licking her lips.

Joke had to admit that the food did taste better when it was stolen from a little old lady that was for damn sure! Licking his lips as he finished his food as quickly as possible, he sighed contentedly for a moment. This was the life! Good food! Good fun! Great sex! And al of it due to one blonde bombshell sat right next to him. Smirking a little bit, he grinned when she said that he looked dreamy when he smiled like that,

"Well you're the only girl who gets to see me like that Harley baby!" he assured her with a grin, "You're the only one who makes me feel that way too girl! Only you!"

When she curled up around him he grinned to himself and wrapped an arm around her as well, squeezing her ass a little bit as he just held her there. He knew how much she loved to be held and he liked to be able to hold certain areas of her body better. Licking his lips a little bit, he smirked,

"Oh if you insist!" he joked before smirking and giving her ass a little spank, "We'll caper... then I want to ride my Harley!"

Laughing a little bit at the joke, he coughed and sat up straight to present a serious air before laughing a little bit,

"It's going to be something big Harley! To distract Bats!" he declared with an even wider grin than usual, "The main goal... to kill Commissioner Gordon! He's too much of a goodie goodie! And to distract him... we place bombs in five different orphanages... and no matter which choice about who he wants to save... we blow those little kiddies sky high! Hahahahahaha!"

Harley loved the special feeling that she got when she spoke to Joker and he told her that she was the only one who made him happy, the only person to be able to make him smile and she thought that it was good that way! It was the way that it was supposed to be, they loved each other and they were able to make each other happy in ways that other people couldn't.

Giggling softly when he squeezed her ass, Harley pushed herself into his hand, knowing that her pudding loved to be able to feel her whenever he wanted and now was whenever he wanted it seemed. Harley had no problem with that!

Gasping when he spanked her Harley looked up at Joker shyly and twirled one of her bunches around her fingers, it made her feel so excited when he treated her like that and looked at her like that...heck she was excited around him most of the time! Even when he was scary he was exciting in a manner.

"Whatever you want boss." she laughed softly "I like that plan."

When he began to tell her his plan Harley sat up straight too and she nodded her head, killing Commissioner Gordon was a good plan! He kept trying to stop them and he kept trying to put her back into Arkham Asylum and kill her precious Puddin' there was no way that he could be allowed to live!

But...the second part even she had some problems with.

"Puddin' that sounds like a great plan to kill Commissioner Gordon, he's been so annoying for far too long but...but do we have to distract Bats with killing orphans maybe we can distract him by blowing up a bank or something? Or or you know maybe a hospital?" she asked, trying to get her boss enthused about the other ideas.

Joker had to admit it would be hard to replace his Harley! Very hard indeed! Perhaps even impossible! Hence why he was in absolutely no rush to try and replace her to be honest. And she was very good at all the little jobs he gave her and so very affectionate. All in all she was the perfect little helper for all of his insane little schemes and plots.

He smirked a little bit when she not only pushed her ass back against his hand but gasped happily when he spanked her. God damn it her wanted to have his wicked way with her right now! But no... apparently it was time for caper planning and the only thing that made him smile more than planning a caper was what Harley was going to be doing later,

"Of course..." he said, smirking as he patted her cheek, "It's going to be monumental my dear! Monumental! They'll build monuments to us for this plan!"

Of course she agreed with the Gordon part. But he was a little bit annoyed that she seemed to dislike the destroying of the orphanages as distractions. Sighing a little bit, he huffed a little bit before nodding once,

"Fine! We'll blow up the children's hospital instead and we'll go with option B." he told her, picking up a little kitten that had been wandering around the room. He scratched behind it's ears lovingly and it purred. He smirked, "Kitten bombs! Set our furry friends here free and watch as they make random explosions throughout the city! Let's see Bats try and find a pattern in that! Genius right HArley?"

Harley was feeling a little bit uneasy.

She had never disagreed with one of her lovers plans before so why would she start doing so now? Maybe she was growing some sort of conscience? No...that wasn't it. It was because he had never actually targeted children before, it had always been adults or you know singular targets they needed to get rid of but...

Children was just too horrible. Even her face wouldn't be smiling at that.

As he said he was going to change his mind her smile blossomed brightly again, but, it fell when he said that they would bomb the childrens hospital instead and Harley didn't know what to say! How could she know? She didn't want to disagree in case he got mad but she couldn't just let him kill sick children!

The kitten bombs were the last straw. She couldn't just sit back and say nothing. Snatching up the kitten she shook her head;

"No Mr. J!" she stated "I don't think that's a good plan at all! Those kind ain't done nothing wrong and these kittens haven't either, they've been keeping me company while you've been out. Oh baby can't you think of somewhere else we could bomb that don't involve children?" Harley asked, her voice was pleading as she really wanted him to change his mind about this, but she wasn't sure how far she should push him on the issue.

Joker was beginning to get more than a little bit annoyed now.

Harley had never disagreed with him about anything before and yet here she was trying to make him change his mind about killing children and kittens. This was more than annoying to him; it was insulting! It was a betrayal! She was willing to stand against him on this then what else was she willing to fight him about?

Scowling, he dropped the startled kitten to the floor. Contrary to her belief he liked the kittens. He really did. He just knew a powerful distraction when he saw one. Growling in annoyance, he turned on Harley,

"And why should I change my plans Harley?!" he growled, gesturing at her, "The plan will work this way! Everybody will be reeling with shock, sadness and disgust when the kittens explode! And no one will be paying attention when we kill Gordon!"

He tutted a little bit and wagged his finger at Harley,

"I confess myself disappointed Harley... with all these rules..." he scowled, "You're beginning to sound like a bat! That's it isn't it?! You're working for the bat to ruin my good ideas! Aren't you?!"

Harley jumped when he threw the kitten on the ground and she wanted to go and cuddle it to make it feel better but now she was a little more preoccupied with the fact that she had made the Joker so obviously mad at her!

It almost made her want to cry!

She didn't want her puddin' to be mad at her, she wanted him to be in love with her and so very very happy. She wanted him to smile! Now he was not smiling though he had his frown on his face and she hugged her arms around her chest to try and protect herself from whatever barriage of insult might be coming her way.

"I know it will baby but there are other things that will work just as well!" she argued with a weak smile on her lips "I just don't want all those little kids to be hurt that's all...and and there are so many other things we can do c-can't we at least talk about it Puddin'?"

His growl made her eyes water slightly and she knew she had really upset her Mr. J. she wanted to buckle and be on his side like she was for everything but underneath all this face paint she was still a woman and a woman had motherly instincts. She couldn't let those poor kids be blown up...even if her darling Joker wanted them to be.

Gasping when he said she sounded like a bat Harley shook her head wildly;

"No no! I would never do that Mr. J.! You know I love you baby I would never work for the bat!" she emphasised, she couldn't believe that he thought that she would betray him after everything that she had been through for him and it made her cry softly, she loved him so much why couldn't he just change this one plan for her?

Joker didn't like this.

NOT. ONE. BIT.

So he began alternating between licking his lips and gritting his teeth as she continued to try and convince him not to do the plan. And you know what? He agreed with her logic. He agreed that there were better ways to go about doing it and he accepted that. The only reason he was sticking it out was because of principle.

She followed HIM.

She did as HE told her to.

She didn't command HIM to do anything.

If she gave in right now and accepted that he knew best then he would actually alter his plans but she was being defiant. She was resisting his will and she had all these rules that was beginning to remind him too much of Bats!

And now she was even crying!

That was it... he'd had enough. Taking out a gun, he fired it up in the air to try and get her to shut up. When all was quietly he scowled a little bit,

"Get out of here Harley!" he snapped at her, "Get out of here right now and the guards won't fire at you!"

He stepped away from the door and Harley,

"Get out of here until I can stand to be with you without you reminding me of BATS and you disobeying me!" he snapped at her, "Go on now... get!"

Harley cried out in shock when the Joker fired his gun in the air above her head and she quietened to listen to what he had to say, he looked so angry at her and she wanted to be able to go back in time and say that they could go to bed first! They didn't have to plan tonight at all they could just have a nice time together in their bedroom and not come out until morning!

When he said to her made her blink in shock and new tears form in her eyes? Looking at him like she didn't believe what he had said to her, she waited for him to repeat himself and when he did she cried even harder!

Her beloved Joker was kicking her out of his life because she didn't want to blow up children? It was just too much for her to handle! She couldn't give in and he was too angry to listen to her even if she did now anyway! So...so this was it he was going to kick her out and he wasn't going to ask for her to come back again she just knew it.

"Puddin' you idiot!" she cried out as she got up from her position on the floor and scampered out of their base into the Gotham night outside, running down the docks until she was resting underneath the bridge, Harley cried loudly until she thought that she could move down the street without attracting too much attention to herself.

Wrapping herself up in her coat she had snagged on the way out, she padded dejectedly towards her only friends house, Poison Ivy. Rooming next to her in Arkham was proving a life saver, because with no money and nowhere else to go she was her only hope.