Deadpool time! (Deadpool and Harley)

Deadpool had read a Batman comic book once and you know what had struck him more than anything else? The fact that the Joker of all people got a hot tamale like Harley Freaking Quinn as his love-struck sidekick! And yet Deadpool knew he was in a comic and he got no sexy sidekick! All he got was Weasel and Bob... and neither of them could pull off a one-piece suit or sexy little skirts like Harley could.

'We tried that once for Halloween!'

And it fucking sucked!

Anyway. To cut a long story short, Deadpool had decided that he wanted to have his own Harley Quinn as a sexy sidekick and he would have his way! After all Rogue had gotten all weird after he had been inside of her noggin and no one else really had the ta-tas to match his lovely Harley!

Hence why he had beaten some science guy up enough to create a portal to the universe where he knew he'd be able to find Harley Quinn!

And there she was! She was running away from some police officers with two massive bags of cash with her. Of course The Joker (his temporary arch enemy!) was leading her away from them... right up until the prick kicked Harley down when she tried to follow him over a fence,

"So long Harley!" He cackled, "It has to be one of us sweetpea!"

Deadpool donned a serious face.

'Oh boy! Here's where we're awesome!'

Bitch! We're always awesome!

Diving off the edge of the building he'd landed on top of, Deadpool slammed into the ground of the alleyway, using one of the police officers to limit the damage of his fall even as he drew his pistols,

"Bang! Bang bang bang bang!" He declared, firing his pistols every time he spoke the sound effect. He grinned as the last of the police officers fell, "And that is how you make a dynamic entrance!"

Harley was more than happy to help her Mister J when he told her about the new caper that he had planned for them, it would mean more money which could be used for heating in their little hide out - after all it was freezing lately! Despite the fact the gig had gone off without a hitch, someone had obviously tipped the fuzz off to what was going on because they heard the ever familiar sirens coming towards the bank.

Hopping over obstacles on the floor when she was trying to escape just as quickly as Puddin' even though she was carrying both of the cash bags, Harley was doing a pretty good job and made it to the fence only a few moments after the Joker himself. Ready to throw the bags up to him Harley was going to heave herself up the fence and follow but he kicked her down to the floor with a massive blow to her gut.

"M-mistah J?" she asked, her voice shaking as she didn't quite believe what was happening, he was leaving her? Again? But she hadn't even done anything wrong this time!

As he made off Harley raised her large gun and started to try and aim it at the oncoming police officers, but before she could get any shots out, someone else was doing it for her. Slightly shocked, as she didn't even recognise who it was helping her, Harley kept her gun warily trained on the new man - he could be any kind of freak!

"Whatcha think your doin'?!" Harley asked with a frown on her face "I coulda taken care of them."

Hearing more sirens in the distance Harley's eyes widened and she made to climb up over the fence and go to try and find her Mr. J...there was no way he would have meant to leave her behind - he was just taking the money ahead, yes, that must be it.

Deadpool was going to have to pull out all the stops if he was going to impress this lovely little lady! He wasn't a fan of blondes... but he loved a blonde with some dye thrown all up in there for good measure! He grinned a little bit as he put his guns away, knowing that he'd likely be using them again because the writer was rather weak with the plot at this point.

'At all points really.'

Hey! He's probably got an awesome plan to get us laid!

Deadpool grinned wider as he slid up closer to Harley,

"Helping out a damsel in distress of course... by the power of many movies this means you must now kiss me!" he declared theatrically before grinning behind his mask, "You can call me Deadpool! It rhymes with no school, too cool, ain't no fool and I'm-the-best-there-is-at-what-I-do-ool! Moving on!"

He grinned a little bit and teleported to the side of the fence she was climbing over too,

"Where you going girlies?!" he grinned, "Why can't we stay and partying?! Of course we'll have to... un-alive the fuzz... but that's fun for a first date right? Right?"

'Does it count as first base if you kill someone together?'

I think that's how it works yeah.

Harley didn't have time for this strange new masked hero/villain she needed to find her pudding! He might be needing her help after all and she couldn't just leave him to the mercy of Bats all on his own, she would have to catch up with him and they could celebrate the way that he had promised her that they would tonight!

Putting her fingers over Deadpool's mouth when he said that he had every right to kiss her now, because he had saved her, Harley rolled her eyes a little bit.

"Well sorry to burst ya bubble Mistah but I belong to one man and one man only, my Puddin'" Harley declared with a shrug of her shoulders and a cheeky grin, she didn't understand it but it was true, he seemed to make her fall in love with him in a few minutes despite everything he had done to her in the long term.

Unable to stop herself from crying out in surprise and falling off the fence, face planting the floor on the other side, Harley quickly stood up again and had her gun in hand. What kind of guy can just teleport like that? That must have been what he had done no guy could move that quickly! Right?

"How did ya do that?" she asked, waving the gun a little bit before tsk-ing and shaking her head again "I already told ya I ain't interested in going on no date unless its with Mistah J."

The sound of the police was getting closer and closer so Harley took off at a swift running pace so that she could put some distance between her and the fuzz...and hopefully this Deadpool although she didn't hold out much hope about that. He seemed like an awfully persistent kind of guy. Which, now she thought about it, was real sweet - not like Mistah J at all.

Deadpool pouted a little bit but the effect was ruined by the damn mask! Oh well. That meant no one could tell when he was being adorable! The mask was a good thing! All hail the mask! For it was the reason why people hung around him despite his horrible deeds, urges to kill and scarred persona! The mask was good! The mask was...

'Just another way for the writer to make his posts look bigger?'

And what do you think that WE are?

'Fair point.'

"And who the hell is this pudding character?!" he declared, conveying dramatic shock through his mask before frowning slightly, "Though I suppose I can't compete with a man made of pudding... just answer me this... he isn't banana flavoured is he? I just don't think I could take a revelation like that after all that we've been through!"

He followed her through the alleyways as they continued to evade the police. They weren't anywhere near as good as the ones back home... those suckas got laser beams when they realised they were dealing with supervillains and aliens!

And deadpool. Don't forget Deadpool.

"This guy... he about yay big? Lots of greasepaint? Beat you around a lot?" he wiggled his eyebrows, "Have a fetish for all things bat?"

He grinned a little bit and held up the comic book the showed the ending to this current comic book story arc,

"The guy who dumps the woman who looks like you so he can molest the tied up bat-lady?" he stopped talking as he carried on running, ignoring that the police were hitting him with their bullets, "Huh... spoiler alert maybe huh?"

Harley was going to ignore Deadpool for the most part, she was listening she just wasn't going to dignify anything that he said with a response, not until they were far enough away from the cops anyway. Concentrating on her running, hopping over objects swiftly as if her bones hadn't been broken the several odd times they had been by her Mistah J, Harley was honestly quite surprised by something.

This Deadpool character hadn't said one thing about her ass when she was running, if anyone she thought someone like him would pass a comment. Perhaps she had judged him all wrong after all?

The sirens eventually grew further and further away until Harley couldn't hear them any more, slipping up the fire escape of a rather abandoned selection of flats, she took a minute to regain her breath. It had been tiring work running half the way across Gotham!

Of course when Deadpool held up some kind of comic, Harley frowned and took it from his hands warily, reading and looking at the little panels, she couldn't help the angry tick that appeared on her forehead. Her Mistah J had dumped her like that to go off with Bat Girl!? BAT GIRL?!

"Imma kill him!!" she screamed, throwing the comic book to the ground, before sitting on the window ledge nearest to her with a large sigh on her lips - her Mistah J had betrayed her again...and she was just going to go back to him...again "Aww what's even the point? Mistah J don't love me, he don't even like me..." Harley sighed, hugging her arms around her chest.

Deadpool grinned a little bit as they ran, humming random tunes that he had picked up from the use of the internet. It was his secret weapon! Others could use the internet... but only Deadpool could make the concentration pool of randomness (and porn) dance! He could make that information superhighway dance!

And for him it danced the freaking tango!

Of course he had noticed that he ass looked fucking amazing as they ran but he decided that he was going to be tasteful and respectful and not pass comment.

'But we sure will! A-wooooo-ga! Attention all hands! We have a DAT ASS on our hands!'

We don't even have hands! But still can't wait to get to feeling that! I bet that thing would bounce a bullet back if it got shot - it's that tight!

Deadpool threw the comic book over his shoulder dramatically,

"Oh damn it..." he declared, "I was supposed to show you that later so you didn't associate me with such an assholic moment from that Joker dude! So uncool D-P!"

He pouted a little bit as he squatted down so that he was at eye level when she began to hug herself in sadness.

'Sadness sucks!'

You can't get boob-touches from sadness!

Coughing a little bit, Deadpool tilted his head to the side as he idly began pulling bullets out of his back before it healed with them inside,

"And they call ME crazy!" he joked a little bit, "This guy must be blind and dumb if he let a hot little mc-muffin like you get away! I'm crazy... but even I ain't crazy enough to let you go!"

'Ick! Sappy!'

Chick dig sappy! We might get boob after all!

Harley couldn't help but let herself laugh a little bit at Deadpool, he was funny! Actually funny as well not like Mr. J whose jokes were often cruel and more likely than not being angled at her. It was nice for someone else to make her laugh, perhaps it wouldn't be as bad to go on a cop killing first date with this guy after all - he had been real nice to her so far.

"You're funny Mistah." Harley grinned, feeling a little less sad than she had done a moment or two before "I ain't never seen you around Gotham before, what you doin' on the scene? What's your angle?" she asked, wanting to know a little bit more about him - if he was working with the Bat then this might all be a trick to put her against her Joker baby!

Watching him pulling bullets out of his back, Harley's mouth popped open a little bit. This guy must be some sorta superman to actually be able to survive taking that many bullets in his back at one time! Surely he must be feeling some sorta pain? It didn't seem like he was though, and Harley was utterly confused.

His compliments made Harley blink a little in surprise, ain't nobody complimented her in a long time and she wasn't able to stop her shy grin spreading on her lips. Deadpool was treating her nicer than Mr. J had ever done, even when they had first been together doing capers together he was still cruel to her.

"You really mean that Mistah?" she asked with a grin "Well ain't you just the cutest?!"

Hopping up she wrapped her arms around Deadpool's shoulders and kissed his cheek through his mask; "I sure do appreciate you makin' me feel better. Ya know, if there's anything I can do to help sometime, just let me know!" Harley offered her help, regardless of what side he was on, Mr. D was a lot nicer than her Puddin' and she wanted to see how she would get on without him for a change.

She was laughing at some of his humour! And he hadn't had to rely on the humour that came from him pulling sharp pointy objects out of his body yet! He was sure that it would occur but he didn't have to rely on it and that was nice. Nice to see that he was something other than "that dude who heals funny" to someone!

Even though he liked the title.

"Name's Deadpool but you can call me anything you like!" he told her with an exaggerated wink (the only kind you could see through his mask), "I've never been to Gotham before! You see... I'm from an alternate universe! Where batman is just a fictional character with daddy/mommy issues and some awesome movies!"

'Hell yeah they're awesome!'

Dark Knight ftw.

Seeing that she had caught onto him pulling bullets out of his back, he grinned a little bit,

"Don't worry!" He grinned wider, "I've got a healing factor so fast that I can even eat spicy Indian food without it affecting me! Also chimichangas and new York hot dogs!"

He grinned wider and nodded,

"I really mean it!" He declared before shaking his head, "Nuhuh! I say you can be the cutest! Or... or Catpool. Catpool is cute!"

'Wait for it... he's gunna get boob somehow from this...'

HE AIN'T GETTIN BOOB FROM THIS!

Swooning at her actions, Deadpool fanned himself with his hand before grinning and wrapping an arm around her,

"Romance time!"

Teleporting her to the top of the building he had arrived on, he grinned and waved around,

"Romance time in the form of a giant cityscape! Chicks dig that right?" he grinned, "But I'm owned by Disney so I might just break into a song... a whole new woooooooooorld!"