Expose the wound; clean the damage (Crepsley and Starling)

Crepsley was still nursing the injuries that Mika had given him during the breakfast rush in the mess hall a couple of days ago. He had wanted to visit Strarling earlier, to try and appologise for all that he had done, but had been attacked by his mentor Seba. So he had spent even more time healing in the healling area, the only area of the mountain where anyone would talk to him because of the news.

Crepsley made his way towards Starling's room and couldn't help but notice all of the evil stares and cold shoulders the vampires were giving him. He flinched a little bit. Crepsley was sure that vampanese visiting the mountain would be given less hateful glares than the ones he was being given. Then again maybe he deserved them? He liked to think that he didn't deserve to be treated like this despite his mistakes.

Knocking on the door, Crepsley took a deep breath and tried to run over the things that he was going to say to her. He wanted to make sure that she knew that he was sorry for all the pain he had caused her. He knocked again at the closed door,

"Starling?" he called out hesitantly, "It's me, Crepsley. I just wanted to... well I wanted to talk to you. Apologising for the most part really..."

Starling had been looking through her new books she had gotten from Kurda when she heard a knock on the door, she was enjoying her time relaxing to be honest and wondered who it was at the door, Mika was busy doing his duties, and Darren was off listening to some of the old stories of the Mountain, complete with a tour from her new friend Seba Nile. The only person she could think it would be was either Gavner Purl or Larten Crepsley, hopefully it was not the latter.

She didn't know if she was ready to see him again, let alone have a decent conversation with him.

Although when she heard his voice her heart fluttered softly, she still felt attracted to him unfortunately, but at the same time her heart also sank and stung in her chest. Biting her lip, she was unsure what she should do, she didn't want to talk to him but he had made the effort to come and speak with her, maybe she should make the effort to try and talk to him as well?

Snapping her book shut she held it loosely in her hands as she wandered towards the door, so he wanted to apologise? Starling supposed she should probably let him in, she wasn't so immature not to accept the man's apology he was going to make, even if it wasn't a big step in her truly forgiving him.

As she opened the door to her room she gave Larten a small smile;

"Well you had better come inside then." she stated in a quiet voice opening the door wider so he could step in, and when he had done so, she shut and locked it after him.

Starling looked better than she had done days ago, she had taken some blood so her pale skin had brightened a little, but her eyes were still more shrunken than normal and surrounded by dark rings where she hadn't slept well. She was still dressing in black to remember Olivia, however, that part hadn't changed.

"So, what was it you wanted to say?" she asked, wanting to get this out of the way, her heart was already in pain and he'd only been here a minute or two.

Crepsley heard some commotion behind the door and for the first time wondered if someone else was in the room with her. If it was Seba or, gods forbid, Mika then Crepsley was damned sure that his quest to apologise and try to get some dialogue going between them again was doomed before it even began. Mika wouldn't ask questions, he would just attack him with intent to kill straight from the beginning.

When she opened the door he immediately noticed that she looked a lot different to the last time he had properly seen her. She was still paler than he remembered her being after the fight with Arra. Just thinking about the fight with Arra made his anger stir a little bit at Starling. She had tried to kill Arra after all, for whatever reason that was not acceptable to him even if all the other vampires thought otherwise. He offered her a small smile in return though,

"Thank you." he whispered as he stepped inside. He glanced around a little bit and noticed all of the black around, including her clothes. Trying to break the ice he looked around, "Still a beautiful room isn't it?"

Shaking his head a little bit he moved over to the sofa and gestured for her to do the same. He wanted to be able to look at her as they talked after all,

"Well I just wanted to apologise about... well about a lot of things." he admitted with a sigh, "I shouldn't have started anything again with Arra until I had told you about my feelings... it was monsterous of me I know. And saying such awful things about you, even in anger, I'm so very sorry about. But the thing I regret the most..."

He looked down at the floor for a moment,

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through the pain of losing our child alone." he whispered quietly, "I didn't know you were even capable of carrying a child, much less mine. It's not an excuse I know but still... I'm sorry you were alone when it happened and had to deal with it by yourself."

Starling sat down on the small sofa and she shrugged her shoulders, to be honest with all that was going on she hadn't much thought about the beauty of the room, because of the event that happened within it, she rather hated being in here at the moment, sleeping on the bed that she had lost her child on was something that she found rather haunting if she had to put a label on it.

"I find it holds too many bad memories to be that beautiful any longer." she stated simply "But to others, yes, the decor is lovely."

He looked no different from when she had first seen him, and she hated him even more for that, how come she had to look a mess and he looked the same as always? Although she had heard he had spent a lot of time in the healing unit after what Mika and Seba had done to him, now, he was going through his own troubles, most of the vampires of the mountain wouldn't even look at him let alone speak to him.

Hearing his apology, she didn't feel any better to be honest, to her, it was a weak apology, but she wouldn't say that to Larten, who probably thought that he had given her a rather eloquent summary of the crap he'd put her through, and the apology would be enough to start building bridges. It wasn't.

"Thank you for apologising Larten." she replied softly "You probably shouldn't have started anything with me if you knew you still had feelings for someone else, I know I wasn't the most subtle of characters but I think even I would have taken on board the fact you had feelings for someone else, I would have appreciated being told."

When he admitted it was monsterous she nodded; "Yes, it was, you abused my love and trust I put in you so readily."

The idea that she had to deal with the loss of her child on her own, was laughable, she hadn't dealt with it on her own, Mika, Seba, Darren, Paris and all her other friends had been with her helping her. To be honest she was loathed to admit that Larten shared half her beautiful DNA when it came down to it. Taking a deep breath she replied;

"I didn't go through it alone, Mika came to find me after he heard of the fight, he looked after me and stayed with me while I came to terms with my grief. Mika and Seba, they both came to her funeral, even though I asked you to come, you were too busy, or couldn't be bothered to see me again for whatever reason."

Crepsley immediately wished that he really hadn't said anything about the room or attempted to talk about anything other than the reason why he was here and that was to apologise. He should have just apologised immediately and gotten this all off onto the right track but here he was on the back foot because he had said something so insensative. Class act there Crepsley.

He sighed a little bit when she thanked him for apologising but the accussation was there in her voice. It was a weak apology and they both knew it. The fact was that Larten really was sorry for what he had done but he just wasn't conveying it in anything other than the worst possible way. He ran his hands through his hair, grabbing hold of some hard,

"I know I shouldn't have begun a relationship with you when I had feelings for someone else..." he agreed, covering his head with his hands, "But honestly? I thought my feelings towards her were dead, gone and buried. It wasn't until after we had begun a relationship that they came back. I shouldn't have done what I did though... it's unforgivable and I don't expect you to forgive me for betraying your love and your trust like that at any point to be fair. I have wounded you Starling and for that I am truly, deeply, sorry."

He clenched his fists a little bit when she told him that she hadn't been alone. That Mika had been here for her more than he had been. But the more pressing matter was something that he felt neeeded to be addressed,

"Why didn't you tell me about.... about you being pregnant? About you being able to get pregnant in the first place?" he asked her quietly, a few tears slipping down his cheeks, "I'm a vampire Starling and I have feelings for you... I would have dropped anything and everything to be with you on both of those grounds if you had only told me... so please... why didn't you?"

Starling saw how upset he was about what he had done and that traitorous part of her heart allowed herself to think that maybe he had felt bad all along, maybe he really did love her! Her heart leapt and she thought that maybe this was all a sort of trial she had to get through to actually find out he loved her for real, but the other part of her butted in, she wasn't going to allow him to worm his way back in so easily.

Nor would she allow herself to become upset. No no, not this easily.

"You are right you shouldn't have done it, it is just...you made me think that you just wanted to use me for sex, then when she appeared you were more interested in her and you all but left me for her." she stated softly "I was...I was misled by Desmond Tiny, into thinking these awfully niave things, and I was wrong to project my hopes onto you so fast but, the truth was I couldn't help it, I loved you, I still do, with some deep traitorous part of myself, love you."

Hearing the question that she didn't really have a satisfactory answer for, she knew she was going to have to answer it at some point and she hoped that Larten would understand why she had been so shrewd about her abilities, why she hadn't told him before they made love togther, and why she had neglected to tell him that she was pregnant with his child.

To be honest she thought no answer would be good enough, seeing him cry like that made her realise how much it would have meant to him to have a child.

"I didn't tell anyone about me being able to bare children until I lost...until I miscarried. How many vampires want children? How many would do anything to have a child?" she asked softly "I was scared, I thought if people knew I...I would be in danger. I know I should have told you beforehand but I was afraid you would just use me to have a child, you wouldn't want to make love to me to make love, but to have a baby."

Starling attempted to explain how she felt, her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears as she continued;

"I was trying to find you, that night you...were with her. I wanted to ask you about her, about your relationship, as part of that conversation I had planned to tell you I was pregnant, and after that, we didn't see each other, I couldn't stand to see you, knowing what you had done."

Larten Crepsley was a man who lived life by his feelings and he had done so for his decades and centuries as a vampire. They had never steered him wrong in the past but it seemed like they had done so here. His feelings for one person had hurt another person who he had feelings for. It hurt his heart more than anything else had ever done and he couldn't help but let a few tears out. He didn't want to be like this. He wanted it to be nice and bright and friendly between them.

But he had broken any chance of that happening when he had acted on his half-buried feelings for Arra, hurting Starling, the unknown mother of his child, to the point where she had sought comfort from his enemy and attacked Arra for satisfaction,

"I know that's what it seems like... my actions have painted it that way.... but it was never my intention to just use you for sex! I cared... I still care... about you." he told her quietly, desperate for her to believe him even though he doubted she would. He blinked a few times when she mentioned what Tiny had done in the vaguest of terms, "What did Tiny do to... to make you love me without even having seen or talked to me? It wasn't wrong of you to project your hopes onto me... but I would have thought we could have spoken about the feelings more... I don't know..."

Crepsley really wanted her answer to this question. He had wanted to be a father for a long time, ever since his maturity as a vampire, and she hadn't told him. It was like she had denied him the chance to be even a father-to-be. And he was certain that if he had known then it would have been different,

"I can understand that you thought others might use the knowledge against you but I'm not talking about telling everyone. I'm not talking about telling Mika, or Arrow or Seba... I'm talking about me. Just me. And doing because... because you had faith in the person I am that I would never have done anything to hurt you if I had known...." he whispered before flinching when she mentioned when she was going to tell him. He sighed a little bit and held his head in his hands, "I might have known... that night comes back to haunt me and will forever won't it?"

Starling shook her head when she heard that Larten still cared about her, it was obvious that he didn't care about her as much as he cared about Arra, he went to her side after the fight, and he was at her side while they were having the funeral for Oliva. Whether he cared for her or not it would never be to a good enough level for her to accept, she wanted to be able to say she was the only woman he cared about, didn't she deserve that after all she'd been through?

"I don't believe you do care about me." she stated softly "You have done nothing to show that you do, only that you dislike me, hate me even."

When he asked her what Tiny had done, she bit her lip and threaded her fingers together, although she didn't want to tell him now, it would seem stupid, as it seemed stupid to her now that she had realised that it wasn't true in the slightest. Starling supposed however that he had a right to know, and it might clear up why she had acted, as she had done.

"Well I was human before I became what I am now, and I had to go through several 'therapy' sessions in order to be altered and changed into what I am." Starling began "I wont go into detail but they weren't pleasant, but, Desmond told me about you, and the thought of you got me through those sessions, he told me that I was made to be with you, my reason for living was to love you and I did with all my heart. When I arrived here you were everything I had expected and wanted, but, you didn't love me, and I didn't understand why."

Starling frowned a little bit and she moved her gaze from Lartens;

"Well I would have been wrong to put that faith in you, wouldn't I?" she asked in a simple, cold statement "And yes, I believe that I will come back and play on your mind for a long time. As it should do."

Larten could tell that Starling didn't believe that he cared about her and he couldn't say he blamed her when all the evidence seemed to suggest that he felt nothing good for her at all. Hell some of the evidence, some of his actions and words, made for a very compelling argument that would explain that he hated her. But he didn't hate her, he still cared for her. When she said that she didn't believe he did care about her he couldn't help but flinch even though he'd been expecting it,

"I could never hate you, despite what I've said and done in the past Starling..." he whispered to her, looking away, "A lot fo what I said and a lot of what I did I should never have said or done. But you have to believe me... I regret all that I've done to hurt you because I care about you still."

When she seemed to avoid the question of what Tiny had done to her for a few moments he could tell that Tiny had once again done something cruel for his own ends. He didn't want her to have to relive it if it turned out to be cruel but he had to know. He paused and listened very carefully to her before sighing a little bit and nodding slightly,

"It sounds like Tiny brainwashed you were a perfect image of what and who I am... and as we've seen I'm hardly perfect." he told her quietly before shaking his head, "I didn't love you straight away no. But I was growing to care for you deeply, close to love, before I.... before I made my mistake."

He flinched a little bit at the idea that she would be wrong to put faith in him about the child or her capability to have children at least,

"No you wouldn't Starling. I wouldn't have done anything to hurt you if I had had even the slightest of clues... I know I shouldn't have hurt you at all but I would have done nothing but make you happy if I had known." he told her before looking down at the floor, "We could have given the children a loving family that it deserved..."

Starling shook her head and she could feel her eyes beginning to water with tears even more, a few of them spilled down her cheeks and she hated the fact that she couldn't hide her upsetness, she couldn't be strong enough to get through a conversation with him without crying. Although secretly she did commend herself for not doing so sooner, it had taken a lot of effort, it was taking a lot of effort not to scream and shout and blame him irrationally for everything.

"You hurt me in the deepest way possible." she whispered softly "I loved you unconditionally and all I wanted was for you to love me in return, instead you leave me, you cheat on me, and then you leave me again, to tend to a woman who just killed our child!" Starling cried out, placing her head in her hands as she cried softly "Even if I wasn't pregnant, I was hurt too...but you didn't care, you didn't care about me as much as you did her, even now you dont."

Shaking her head she wiped at her eyes; "Any love you have for me will never be untainted by her."

When he admitted that, she felt her heart hurt even more, it would have been better if he had never cared for her and hated her, that meant that he wouldn't have had feelings for her that he downtrod in order to be with this slut Arra Sails! Her tears spilled down ever faster and she stood up from the sofa, turning around so he couldn't see her.

"I would have preferred it...if you had hated me." she whispered "You went against your supposed love for me because she was more important, and that means that my complete devotion and love was not enough for you, I don't know what else I could have given. What else could I have done?" Starling asked softly.

Trying to get herself composed, she shook her head again, so he would have hurt her still if she wasn't pregnant? Perhaps that was not what he meant but it certainly came out like that. The only reason he would have stopped what he was doing was because she was baring his child, not because it was wrong, it was hurtful to her as a person?

"You would have only done anything to make me happy, if I was having your child?" she asked, her voice shaking "That might not be what you intended to say but that's what is coming across to me, and once again, you prove me right. You only treat me well because of my child, not because of me."

When she heard him call their child it, she whipped around and glared at him; "Don't you dare call her it." she hissed "If you had bothered to ask it was a girl, and her name was Olivia."

And she was crying again, crying even more than she had been before he thought. Larten didn't have to have a revelation that this was all his fault because it was painfully obvious that it was all his fault and that she was crying, feeling this pain, all because of him. He had made her cry but honestly he was surprised that he hadn't made her cry sooner in the conversation. For all his guilt and for all his regret he really wasn't handling this very well and he knew it,

"I know I betrayed you in the worst possible way Starling and I wish that I could take it back." he told her honestly before gritting his teeth slightly. He was willing to accept that it was his fault but he still didn't like it being shouted at him in the face, "Well from my point of view I came into the sparring hall and all I saw was that you were beating Arra to death. Why didn't you come to me about it? Why didn't you talk to me about it? Why was your solution to your problem to try and brutally maim someone I've known for centuries?"

The tears were coming down even faster now that he admitted that he still cared for her and he could kind of understand why. It was worse that he had pushed his feelings for her down to revell in his feelings for Arra instead,

"I don't know Starling..." he whispered, frustrated, "I don't know what came over me when I did it. I don't know why I surpressed my feelings for you to pursue her like that..."

He could almost immediately tell that his words had come out wrong. Flinching a little bit, he shook his head as he tried to convince her of what he meant,

"That's not what I meant Starling." he told her firmly before shaking his head, "I'm saying that I wouldn't have ever considered acting on any feelings for Arra if I had known our relationship was that serious. I'm not saying I would only make you happy if you carried my child. I'm saying that thoughts of Arra wouldn't have even entered my head if I had known..."

He could tell that he wasn't winning any favors here. When she hissed at him he growled slightly,

"Well how was I to know that she was a girl?" he hissed back, "All you told me about the funeral was that you wanted to see me at the waterfall. That is NOT the same as telling me that our daughter has died before she could be born!"

Starling turned around to face Larten and sat down on the bed, she didn't want to be near him when he was even trying to attempt to blame her for anything, if there was one thing she was to blame for it was hurting Arra more than needed, she hadn't actually wanted to beat her that badly and never would have used her whole strength like she had done, if Arra hadn't done what she had done to her.

She believed after she did that, it became totally justified to beat a murderer to death.

"Well your point of view was wrong." she stated softly "You weren't there for the beginning of the fight where I gave her ample chance to land a shot, she landed a few, I only became so vicious when she hit my womb, and I'm sorry but if she was in my situation she would have done the exact same thing. To be honest, I don't know why I decided to fight the woman, I was angry and not thinking rationally, but I'm not about to apologise, after she was the agent that killed our child, I'm surprised I didn't kill her outright."

Shaking her head she placed it in her hands and she crumpled onto the bed, if she didn;t know what else she could do how could she begin to think about being with him again, because if her love wasn't enough and nothing else was he was going to cheat on her again and again. Maybe Mika was right, maybe she shouldn't be thinking of getting back together with him at all.

"I asked you what else I could have done?" she repeated softly "If my love isn't enough, why should I even try to restart our relationship, you're just going to cheat on me again and again if I can't give you what you want. So tell me what she was doing that I wasn't."

Clentching her first together she couldn't help but let more tears spill down her cheeks, so because their relationship wasn't serious he let the thoughts enter his mind? What kind of an excuse was that? He had used her, got her into bed and then acted on his feelings for another woman because it wasn't serious enough?!

"Not that serious?" she asked, in disbelief "I loved you with my whole being and that wasn't serious enough for you? I gave you everything about me! You took my virginity, and I thought it was the most magical moment of my entire life, but it wasn't serious enough for you? Then I dont know what I can do, I gave you the best of me and you rejected it, there's nothing I can give you if I decided I could be with you again, that you would appreciate."

Growling a little bit she hissed through gritted teeth;

"Sorry about that but I didn't think it was the best time to tell you, considering you called me an abomination, freak, pet and didn't want to see me again. I thought it my duty to invite you, but you were too busy attending to your bit on the side to speak to the woman you 'care' so much about that you left broken hearted, in pain, and alone."

Larten shook his head. Of course she was going to say that his point of view was wrong. She would say that because it was a point of view that disagreed with hers. He shook his head. It didn't matter that she had given Arra a chance to attack her at the beginning of the fight. The fight was completely unnecessary and, if he was honest, completely stupid. What did she hope to achive by beating up Arra? It certainly wasn't about to endear her to him,

"There shouldn't have been any need for either of you to get hit, much less for you to lose the child." he told her, "Why did you have to fight her Starling? Why couldn't you have talked to me? It would have been a lot better to explain your side of the argument rather than beating one of my oldest friends half to death and hoping that I wouldn't mind. She wouldn't be the killer of our unborn child if the fight had never happened and the fight needn't have happened at all!"

When she moved over to the bed he sighed a little bit and closed his eyes. Running a hand through his hair he shook his head a little bit,

"There's nothing else you could have done. You gave me everything you could." he whispered quietly, "You gave me your heart, your body and your soul. The problem was never what you gave me Starling; the problem was always me and what I was foolish enough to covet."

The tears were rolling down her cheeks faster now and she was getting more and more upset, as anyone would be in this situation. He was crying more now as well. Each word she spoke was just compounding his failings,

"I made a mistake!" he told her, the tears coming now, "I'm sorry alright? I hurt you more than anything else in the world ever could and I am sorry! If I could go back, I would never do it. Throwing away your love like that was the stupidest mistake I have ever made and I am sorry..."

When she said that it wasn't the best time to tell him he growled slightly in return,

"It was the best time to tell me because it had just happened. Regardless of the words I spoke in anger and now deeply regret.... regardless, you should have told me!" he told her firmly, "You didn't invite me to the funeral Starling. You didn't tell me that our daughter was dead. You told me to meet up with you there, that kind of message does not give off the right signs or feelings of a funeral Starling."

Starling didn't know what to say, she had admitted that she wasn't thinking clearly when she had asked Arra to a fight, and she didn't think that she was going to say anything else. She wasn't sorry she had fought her, and she wasn't sorry she had ended up the way she had now, and she wasn't sorry she was going to be exhiled or killed. So, she wasn't about to say something that was false in order to placate Larten when really, he didn't deserve placating.

"I just told you I didn't know, I wasn't thinking clearly." she stated, running her hands through her hair "And any apology I give will not be to you it will be to Arra herself, so if you're intent on getting one I am sorry to dissappoint. After all you weren't the one I was fighting, and you weren't the one I nearly put into a coma, I used uneccissary force in hindsight, but as you'd agree, we all do stupid things without thinking."

The more he spoke the more she wanted to cry, so he was getting angry at her? She had been trying so hard to be polite and deal with this like an adult but the fact was he was centuries old, she was 19 years old. Why did she have to be the adult in this situation?!

"So I did nothing wrong and yet I am punished anyway?" she asked softly "What kind of a world do I belong to now? My sister was right, I should have listened to her and never come to this place."

Starling didn't know what to do, Larten didn't want to be back with her and deep down inside that thought hurt her, that even after all of this he didn't want her, when all the cards were on the table he was still turning her away to be with his injured other woman. She wanted to leave, she wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She didn't understand and her heart felt like it would never recover after what he had put her through.

More tears fell from her eyes when he once again blamed her, once again dwelled on the one thing she did wrong and the fact she didn't tell him because he had been off sleeping with another woman when she had wanted to didn't seem to factor into this at all. Starling just wanted this pain to be over, and with Larten there it wasn't stopping, it was getting worse and she just wanted to rip her heart from her body and disconnect from the pain.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." she stated softly "I make a mistake and given the amount of mistakes you've made you're hardly in the position to preach Larten. Are you finished now, have you said your peice?"

Slowly she walked over to her dresser, the bad thing was, she didn't even know how she could kill herself, she supposed she would have a lot of fun trying to find that out.

Larten sighed a little bit when she once again told him that she didn't know what she had been thinking at the time, that she hadn't been thinking clearly. The idea that she hadn't been thinking clearly was easily accepted by Crepsley considering it would have been dealt with by a heart to heart talk much easier. But she was right. Arra had done something terrible even if neither Arra nor Crepsley had understood the gravity of what she had done until much later,

"Yes we all do stupid things in the heat of the moment." he agreed softly, "I'm sorry for what I said after the fight... I jumped to a conclusion based on what I had seen of the fight, a conclusion I came to too quickly. Now I know you're unlikely to ever forgive me, and won't ever forgive Arra, but I'd like to ask you if you could accept my regret over what I said at least."

Realising that he was getting angry at her when she probably didn't deserve it, Larten breathed out slowly before trying to get his anger under control again. He paused for quite a few moments, unsure of what to say to that. He didn't really want to just blurt something out and upset her even more,

"It's not all bad though is it?" he asked quietly, "I mean.... despite my fuck up you've met some good people. Made some good friends. Seba, Darren and... Mika. And even though I imagine you don't want to be here because of me... I'm glad that you're still here. As selfish as it might seem... I want you close so that, eventually, I might make up for my mistakes and be accepted back into your heart."

When she said that she was sorry that she didn't tell him, Larten slumped a little bit. That was all he wanted her to say really but it seemed to have completely destroyed her to say it almost. Although it was probably the means and emotions he had envoked to get her to say it that had led to that most likely,

"Thank you..." he whispered quietly, "I'm sorry for how I bullied you into saying that... I really am."

When she moved over to the dresser he noticed something as she stood there sadly,

"When was the last time you fed Starling?" he whispered to her as he moved closer, "Please, you need to keep your strength up. I... I don't want my mistakes to hurt you like this as well as the damage they had already done. Please..."

He hugged her lightly, wrapping his around around her from the side to comfort her. Despite the fact that he was comforting her, he had no doubts that she might attack him. But as long as she got some comfort out of it then that was alright.

Starling closed her eyes as she stared into her mirror on the dresser, she couldn't see anything and she didn't know why it was there but, she could just imagine how haunted and tired she must look, because that is how she felt inside, she wanted nothing more than to just scream and shout away the pain, to punch at something until her fists bled and her knuckles broke.

She was a failure, and that was all she would ever be.

"You shamed me and broke my heart in front of all of those vampires, you are correct, I can never forgive you, or I shall never forgive you easily, but your regret is something that shall be noted, even if it is not accepted in the near future."

Hearing that it wasn't too bad being here on the mountain she almost turned around and slapped Larten, although, when she heard why he thought that she smiled lightly, that was correct she had made some new wonderful friends here. Including Mika. It was so confusing, a part of her loved Mika for being her rock, for supporting her when she was alone and scared.

"You're right, I have made some good friends here...friends I will never be able to thank enough for their support and love." she stated placing her hand over her non beating heart "You didn't act like you wanted to reform our relationship when I mentioned it before, and I feel it my duty to say that my feelings are more than conflicted."

Growling a little bit she whipped her head around when Larten approached her and asked her when she last fed, so now he wanted to show some goddamn caring?! Trying to calm down a little bit she turned her gaze back to the mirror, and sighed lightly, she didn't want to feed, the knawing hunger was something that made her mind distract itself from the pain of her losses, and focus on something else.

"I don't want to feed." she stated quietly "I don't deserve it, after I failed Oliva. I don't deserve it, because I failed in doing the one thing I was made for. I hate myself, and...and I don't want to be here any more." Starling whispered, a slow tear making its way down her cheek.

Unable to care enough to shrug Larten off, Starling merely stood there, solid and stiff as she was embraced from the side, his touch was warm and his scent wafted into her nose making her eyes water again, he could never be hers, he didn't love her.

"Why are you bothering to fill my head with false hopes, you don't love me and you never will. So go, spend time with the woman you do." she stated although still not moving from his touch, if this was their last embrace she would enjoy it.

Larten couldn't dispute either claim, as much as he would have liked to be able to. The fact was that he had hurt her in both ways when he had publically denounced her as all of the horrible things he had called her. He flinched a little bit when she said that she would never forgive him. He had hoped that she would have been able to forigve him, given time, but apparently he was wrong on that,

"Yes I did and I am truly, deeply, sorry for the pain that I caused you by doing so. I've never truly believed you were any of the things that I said you were..." he whispered to her before sighing a little bit, "Well that's all I can ask, that you will consider the sincere regret that I am expressing to you right now."

He could tell that she had wanted to hit him when he had first spoken but she stopped when he expanded upon the statement. And the truth was that she did have a good support group for herself here, something that Larten himself would probably be unable to say ever again in the mountain,

"Good friends who will stand by your no matter what. Friends like Darren and Seba especially." he agreed, deliberately not mentioning Mika. He looked away for a few moments, "I suppose that's because I never thought there would be a chance of it happening before now. I have hurt you so very much, do I deserve to hold you in my arms again?"

When she said that she didn't want to feed his eyes widened. She didn't want to feed? That was the equivalent of saying that she wanted to die. And no matter what this conversation had stirred up between the two of them, he wasn't going to let her do that,

"You have to feed Starling, you have to keep going." he urged her softly, wiping away the tear with a weak smile, "Tiny might have made you for that purpose but it doesn't mean that's all of who you are. You have other reasons for living. I can think of three of them off the top of my head right now. Darren, Seba.... Mika."

Holding her close to him, he knew that she wasn't hugging him back. He resolved to hug her tight enough so that she would feel like she was hugging him back,

"I can love you and I was starting to before all of this happened to us Starling..." he whispered to her quietly, "That's how I know it's not a flase hope. We can still be together if we allow ourselves to forgive..."