Hello? Your friends say hi... (Vaas and Tiger)

Vaas did not like no fucking tourists on his fucking island.

And he had made no secret of that either! Little white boys and girls disappeared on his island after all. He liked it better when they disappeared and never came back. Hoyt was useful for that because he sold the fuckers away.

Humming a little bit as his men fished the few survivors of the boat explosion out of the water, he chuckled a little bit to himself as he walked amongst them,

"Hey hey what's the matter?" he asked them with a smirk, "Eh? Why are you all not dancing and laughing like before eh? Do we not entertain you mother fuckers? HUH?!"

He patted a man on the cheek with a little laugh,

"Ah... just fucking with you hermano." he teased him... before shooting him in the face, making the others scream, "But I've fuckin' had it with you little FUCKS cluttering up my island!"

One of his men walked forwards, handing him a walkie talkie that one of the party-goers had had. He laughed a little bit,

"Fuckin' serious?" he laughed before holding down the button, "Hello....? Anyone out there... come on... I know you can hear me... pick up pick up pick up... or I kill one of your fuckin' friends!"

Dahlia had been walking around with Christopher and the camera man, Bradley trying to find good locations to shoot commericals for their upcoming little survival programme. She had thought that it was a funny premise, and that the celebrity was likeable enough for people to tune in and watch it - famous enough too, that always helped - so she had agreed to come and direct the show.

Of course there was direction involved, there needed to be locations planned, little spots acted out in case nothing happened, and there needed to be someone to organise everything - that was her job.

Now they had just found a ruin of some sort, what looked like a temple but it was crumbling rather badly, Dahlia knew that this was going to be a location that they should come back to and 'rediscover' on film. It was hard pretending she was sure that you were seeing this for the first time but that wasn't her problem. That was what Christopher's job was.

Hearing an explosion in the distance, Dahlia looked at Christopher and Bradley, her face paling; "Was...was that the ship?" she asked hesitantly looking at the black smoke rising.

"Ah shit." Bradley cussed, settling his camera on his shoulder "We should go and see if it was, see if everyone is okay we can come back here later."

"Alright." Christopher sighed, slinging his machete back on his back "It's probably one of the special effects newbies getting something wrong when they shouldn't have but it's always best to look."

As all three members of the group jogged back to the shoreline, Dahlia was the first one to notice the dead body on the floor. It was the captain of the ship, her mouth opened in a silent gasping gesture and she couldn't let the scream out for fear whoever had shot their poor captain would still be near.

Hearing the walkie talkie flare into life Dahlia picked it up off her leg strap and spoke into it;

"Hello?" she asked cautiously "W-who is this? W-what do you want?"

Vaas was beginning to think that no one was going to answer the radio call and he would have to beat the information about the others out of one of the survivors. That meant he had to stop his men from executing anymore of them for now. But he knew he would see them dead in the future though. Either that or Hoyt would sell them.

So long as they left his fucking island, he didn't care.

Of course when the walkie talkie crackled to life he grinned manically and patted the man's cheek a few times before backhanding him savagely,

"This your lucky day motherfucker.. you might live!" he joked with the producer before he answered the call, "Hello this is the secretary of Producer Jim Kirk. Jimmy can't come to the phone right now because..."

He pressed his pistol against the man's eye as he held down the radio button,

"He's dead!" he laughed as he fired, the gunshot clearly being picked up by the radio. Vaas laughed, "Oh fuck! Did you see that?! His fuckin' head... just like exploded! Gets me every time man..."

Shaking his head a little bit, he looked down the length of the beach,

"So chica, what are you wearing?" He teased her before laughing, "I'm just kidding, Imma chill... but seriously... where the fuck are you hiding? Hmm? Come on... tell me... TELL ME."

Dahlia's mouth was running dry and her legs were shaking, she didn't think that she could believe they were in a situation like this - it wasn't some prank being played by the producers it was something that was real and the danger they were in was insurmountable. There was no way off the island that she could see now that their boat was gone, and she could see the man further down the beach talking into the walkie talkie.

"Oh my god, the fuckers insane!" Chris whispered as he peered around the rock formation they were currently hidden behind "There's Jim, he's still alive and some of the other assistants too...but they're surrounded by those guys."

"Get back Chris." Dahlia pleaded "Don't let him see you!"

Unable to stop herself from wretching over to the side when she heard the sickening death of one of her quite good work friends Jim, Dahlia wiped at her eyes and growled down the radio; "You sick bastard! How could you?"

Despite the obvious fear coursing through her system, Dahlia still had her wits about her and she didn't answer the question that the man was asking - obviously that would be a bad move leading him almost directly to them as they were so close. She didn't think they should move until the other group did, but that was when Chris peeked over the rock...and got himself fucking spotted.

"Chris you IDIOT." she hissed "Quick run!"

Taking off into the jungle Dahlia squeaked as the branches of the trees made small cuts on her arms as she ran, it was nothing compared to the pain she would feel if those pirates caught up to them though!

Vaas chuckled a little bit to himself when she shouted down the line that he was a sick bastard and asked how he could do it. To be honest both the mechanics and the morals of it were rather simple to him. He killed the man because he was weak enough that Vaas could do it and the why was easy as well... he had killed him because he fucking could!

He laughed,

"Oh so you have the fuckin' righ' to come to my island un-fucking-invited and tell me what to do and think eh?" he clicked his tongue, "Fuckin' colonials man... well when I find you girl I'm going to make you wish you'd never gone to film school chica!"

Seeing the head of someone, he laughed when they immediately began running. His pirates started running on his signal and he laughed as he gestured for them to all run after the people,

"Run forest, run!" he shouted as he ran after them, his walkie talkie working and his 'cameraman' following him closely, "Better run fast or I'm going to catch those crazy legs of yours!"

Chasing after them, he saw the woman was wearing some rather tight shorts and laughed before using the radio,

"Chica you got some curves to die for!" he told her before laughing a little, "Keep running... it does muy beauno things to your ass chica!"

Dahlia couldn't help but faulter a little bit when she heard the man behind her commenting on her curves while she was running, she had to admit that these weren't the best shorts for running but it was so hot here as opposed to England that she had to wear them otherwise she would be passing out left right and center.

Turning her head over her shoulder to see the leader as he and his men pursued her, Dahlia blushed softly and growled, baring her teeth a little at him before turning around again and focusing on the path ahead of her.

"Oh no!" she cried when she heard Bradley going down, shot in the knee "Brad we wont leave you...we can...we can split your leg or something..." Dahlia whispered kneeling down beside him to try and help him back up but he pushed at her hands, imploring her to go on with Chris and that he would be okay.

Torn, Dahlia pecked his cheek before getting up and following with Chris towards another area away from the advancing pirates where they could hopefully regroup and think about what the hell they were going to do.

Before they left the island though, they needed a way to get into the pirates camp and rescue Bradley.


****


A few hours later after they had fed, and watered themselves, gathered their courage they had formulated a plan about how to get Bradley back. Chris with his gun was going to get the attention of the pirates and she was going to slip into the camp and get Bradley out of there while she could, splinting his leg in the process so that he might actually have a chance of escaping with them.

There was no way she could drag him after all.

Chris was attracting the pirates now, and she slipped into the shack from the side, seeing Bradley she gasped softly and began to cut him down, they didn't have time to waste.

"It's okay darling, I'm going to get you out of here." she whispered softly, just looking at him brought tears to her eyes "Christ what has he done to you."

Vaas had to say that chancing the curvy woman had been the highlight of his day. The way her ass moved and jiggled when she ran? Out of this fucking world! But, of course, she had managed to get away... and that stupid fuck of a cameraman had managed to trip him up so that he had been unable to catch up to her.

He had not been kind to the fucker for fucking that up!

Of course it had gotten worse though... Christopher was here and he was threatening to shoot him and his guys up. What was a twisted fucker to do when his people were threatened eh? He reacted the only way he knew how,

"Do you have any idea... HOW FUCKIN' RUDE THAT WAS?!" He roared at Chris after each and every bullet he fired at them missed their mark, "But you know what... you stuck to your word. Against ME! I like that... no no no please... I RESPECT that. So tell you what imma do... I'mma give you a head start. Three... two... one... run motherfucker!"

Chris ran out into the jungle and Vaas waited two seconds before waving at his men,

"Keep him alive."

They rushed past him in their quest to do what he asked of them. Of course while they were doing that, he returned to the cabin to check on the cameraman... and noticed something very different. Thankfully the camera guy was gagged so he was unable to warn the woman as Vaas snuck up behind her until she could feel his gun against the back of his head,

"Do you want to know..." he whispered huskily to her, "The definition... of insanity?"

Dahlia could see that there was something wrong in the eyes of Bradley as she was setting up the splint for him, she was almost done when she noticed that there was no noise from Chris' distraction now...she hoped that he was going to be okay but that meant that she had run out of time and she needed to move, and move quickly.

Perhaps that was what Bradley was trying to warn her about? That he couldn't see Chris any more? That they were making their way back?

"Almost done, don't worry." she whispered, her fingers deftly starting to untie the bonds that had been constructed to keep her friend tied up, they were made of a coarse rope and she had to admit that they had been very well tied, it took her a long time to get them loose.

The sensation of cool metal, and warm hot breath on her neck made her stop stock still and her eyes widened;

"Ah shit." she whispered, staying stock still and wondering if she should humour the man...humouring him seemed to be the best option in this situation he could and probably would kill her in a few seconds his gun was so close to her.

His voice gave her shivers though, it roughly caressed her and she couldn't help but bite her lip softly.

"Why yes...if you wish to tell me it." Dahlia whispered softly, her voice was low and melodic, hopefully her accent was soothing as many stated it was - she did not want to get this guy any madder than he might already be.

Vaas couldn't help but notice she was still wearing those sexy little hot-pants of hers. Seriously, what kind of woman flaunted such an ass and didn't do so with the full knowledge that every man was going to be watching her? He smirked a little bit as he thought about how much fun he could have with her now that he had caught her.

She was going to be for his own collection though - none of his pirates would be touching that damn fine ass!

He laughed a little bit and pressed the pistol a little harder into her head to encourage and guide her away from the tied up man. Smirking a little bit, he shook his head and tutted with a mocking expression,

"Such vile language from a lady..." he teased her before using his free hand to press his thumb into the cameraman's bullet wound, causing him agony, "Thank her for trying to save your miserable life you little fucker!"

When the camera guy just whimpered into the gag he laughed,

"I'm sorry, he's been making all these noises for awhile now."

He smirked a little bit,

"There are two different definitions... one is wandering around in those hot pants, and expecting not to end up with me all over you..." he teased her with a wink before pressing his gun against the cameraman's head, "And the other is doing the same thing... over and over again. Now you already FUCKED with me! You think it's good to try and FUCK ME AGAIN?! HUH?! For that I should shoot your lil fuckin' friend and sell your ass! You want I should do that... HUH?! Well you gotta think of something quick chica... or lil camera man? Loses his fingers..."

Dahlia made a light gasp when he pushed the gun further into her head and she followed his prompt, moving away from Bradley and gently standing up, she held her hands in front of her so that he would know that she didn't have any weapons concealed and she wasn't going to be trying anything to hurt him. Hopefully that would make him a little less hostile than he might have been, and less likely to hurt her.

"I'm sorry." she apologised, her voice a soft coo as she was so nervous she was getting quieter and quieter, hoping that she would be able to keep herself out of situations that involved torture and pain. If not swearing would help then it was a small price to pay.

Unable to stop herself from gasping again when he started to hurt Bradley Dahlia had to stop herself from rushing to help him - she bit her lip and cast her gaze to the floor trying very hard to ignore the situation at hand.

Blushing softly, her mouth opened slightly in surprise when she heard that he wanted to be all over her - physically she had no problems with this, he was an attractive man but he was obviously mentally unhinged and she didn't think that would be a terribly good idea. Biting down on her lip, making it plumper Dahlia backed up and got a little misty eyed when he shouted at her hugging her arms around her chest to give herself more security.

"I'm sorry, please...please don't kill him." she whispered, looking up at the man, Vaas with large baleful eyes "We had to try and save our friend, even if we didn't succeed...I didn't want to...uhm, fuck with you again. If there's something I can do, then I'll do it just please...spare him."

Vaas laughed a little bit to himself when some of his men came back with Christopher, bloodied, but alive with them. Oh this was the perfect little reunion now wasn't it? He laughed a little bit more before lashing out, smacking the cameraman in the head with his gun, knocking him out cold as the pirates cheered at the turn of events,

"The gang is all back together..." he tutted a little bit as he looked at Chris, "Oh Christopher... you never gunna be pretty again hermano... tough break huh?"

Chuckling a little bit, he reached out and gently patted Dahlia on the cheek with a sickening little smirk on his face,

"Care to guess what I have planned for Christopher here?" he teased her a little bit before smirking, "You see my little vegetables outside? Heads in the ground? Well my latest one... will be someone from fucking Hollywood!"

He laughed again as some of his pirates dragged the struggling Christopher away to meet with his hole and to become just like his other vegetables. Smirking a little bit, Vaas pulled Dalia to one side and began to circle her,

"Chica... why you dressed like this? Hmm?" he teased her, licking his lips as he looked her up and down, drinking in what she looked like, "You like getting men like me all flustered chica? That's bad you know... needs punishment... no? Yes? Speak to me chica..."